Self-Pity as a Coping Tool
Self-pity frequently visits around my birthday. My brain says, “My 7 siblings should remember my exact birthday. They should call me!” These thoughts cause self-pity, and I don’t get the results I want.
To get relief, I must CHANGE or REFRAME MY THINKING!! I choose to think, “I am a miracle, or “I celebrate AWESOME me!” Changing my thinking results in an awesome birthday!
Self-pity arises for students when they feel rejection. First, you see it in their hunched over bodies and droopy heads. Then you hear it in their self-talk - “NO ONE LIKES ME.” Students at our school have the option to sit on the buddy bench when they feel left out or excluded at recess in hopes they will find a new friend. However, the bench is not a place for self-pity or drama. When students choose self-pity as a coping mechanism, they don’t get the results they want. Here are 7 tips that help kids handle rejection.
1. Notice and name the negative feeling: How does it feel in the body? Do you feel this feeling in your shoulders, eyes, or back? Breathe deep into that area of your body.
2. Recognize negative self-talk : Be aware of automatic negative thoughts such as, “No one likes me, or I am always left-out.”
3. Explore: Do you like how those thoughts make you feel? Do you want to keep feeling that way? Are those thoughts true? Are those thoughts and feelings helping you get what you want? Look in the mirror (I have a big one in my office). Is that the way you want to look in life?
4. How do you want to feel instead: Choose a new feeling.
5. Choose a new power phrase: You could say, “I am confident, or I am an AWESOME friend!” (Use the Powerful You I AM sticker.)
6. Practice it: Stand tall and say your power phrase out loud. Write it on paper. Post it! Say it in your head so no one hears you. Believe it. Visualize it! You will find your internal power!
7. Read Izzie’s story from Powerful You: Discuss the journaling questions and post Izzie’s Classroom Sign.
